It's been a long time since I've posted here. I started out with the best of intentions, trying to crack open creativity by combining artwork and the written word. Hmmmm.
Hmmmm is one of my favorite non-words. I use it a lot. When I don't necessarily have something insightful to say, but I'm thinking about what something may mean... hmmmm is my non-word of choice.
So what do I want to say here? hmmmmm
I was thinking this morning about change and how much change has taken place over the years including my personality and who I thought/think I am. Going from being single, to married, raising five children and now being divorced revealed many different aspects of me. Each year, each child, each obstacle changed me in some way.
After living in the same location for 27 years, I decided to move. Not once, but four times in six years, each time trying on new locations, new people. Seeing which change felt right. Trying to figure out where I belong, because with some of those earlier life changes, I got lost and I forgot who I was. The changes in direction were confusing and turned me around to the point I didn't know where I was going. I lost what made my soul sing, what made me want to get out of bed in the morning. And those were the changes that I initiated.
The changes that happen outside of me... they can sometimes be tougher. I find I'm resistant to those changes more-so than the ones I create myself. They can throw me into a free fall panic. Even something as simple as a neighbor (a casual acquaintance) moving away makes me uneasy. I'm comforted by knowing who lives in that house when I drive by it.
When I find myself in deep resistance, trying to get out of the free fall, I have to talk myself back into embracing the unknown. I need to trust that, in this case, the universe is putting another person in that house who could be an even better 'fit.'
Yes, trust is what tends to be missing when change occurs. Trust is what gets blocked. Trust is what I have to remember when the fear of change creeps up and and I allow it to feed on me, creating resistance in my body and mind. Trust that all is unfolding in divine order.
At this moment in time I am thankfully aware of where I am and the people in my life.
