Aha

I've had the book "Gifts of Imperfection" for a few weeks now and am finally sitting down to read it. I was only 25 pages in when I got a big AHA. And, of course, it was something so seemingly simple it almost seemed strange to see it in print.

It's about fitting in v. belonging. And that says it all! For most of my life I've been able to fit in...somehow. But rarely have I felt I belong.

As Brene' Brown puts it: "Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are." That's HUGE in a very obvious, in your face, way. For me, fitting in is exhausting, but feeling like I belong is energizing. It's being connected with another or group of others.

Brene' Brown defines connection as "the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship."

It's not that I didn't know all of this, but for some reason, today as I sit here... it struck me on a different level. I can see how the need to be really seen - not just at a personality level - has kept me at a distance from most people. Instead of showing up as I am, I shy away to fit in. I'm sure it's due to years of being told I'm weird or that I shouldn't feel how I feel (too sensitive or insensitive) or shouldn't say what I know to be true. I've allowed it to damage my sense of self.

But it's not all negative. I have made wonderful true connections throughout my lifetime and for those people, I am forever grateful! The people are there. Now I need to show up in my life. I need to live honestly and I need to show up fully loving the person I am. So instead of waking up to the thought "who would ever love me?" I need to move into gratitude and acceptance of the person I am and the gifts I have to offer.

As a good friend says, 'right foot, left foot.'