The in between

5/27/17 - Memorial Day Weekend

I'm sitting at Amy's. I've been here since May 2nd when I came in to throw her a baby shower. Her body is working it's magic and she's definitely getting ready... I'm thinking it will be this weekend.

I look at her and smile. That big round baby belly stretched out in front of her, knowing her life will forever be changed. It's exciting... I'm excited. I'm going to be a grandma (or Grand Ma Ma... as I tease her.)

I wish I were in better shape physically as she enters this challenging time, but I'm not. Seven months post op and I'm no better than I was. Actually, my bones are worse. I've had another MRI, and that one shows I have Avascular Necrosis. The head of the femur has not been getting blood, so it has started to collapse. A hip surgery is inevitable. I also have extensive marrow edema (severe synovitis) and an insufficiency fracture of the superior acetabulum.  An insufficiency fracture means a fracture caused by normal stress exerted on a weakened bone.

I am concerned about the underlying issues. How did I go from bone marrow edema to a collapsed femoral head in five months time? It makes me wonder if something is happening to other bones in my body? Do I need to have an MRI on those too?

First things first... My orthopedic surgeon friend recommended/insisted on my seeing Dr. Michael Stover (Northwestern Hospital). I can't get in to see him until June 30th... a month away. So it looks like I'll be here for a while.

I keep telling myself to relax into the idea. I'll have more time to spend with my little grandbaby. I don't know what Amy's needs will be and maybe she'll appreciate having me around, if for nothing other than moral support. I know I missed my mother as I started my family.

So I sit in between. In between not being a grandmother and being a grandmother. I sit in between the pain - not being able to walk and knowing that the eventual surgery will allow movement again.  I'm also in between spaces.  It's only a matter of days before I have to leave Amy's.

I do not want to burden her and Johnny by having me here, so I'm hoping the right space to be in opens up. I'm going to need to find a place for two weeks after the baby comes so they can have their new parent time... and then, again, after surgery.  I'm surprised at how well I'm doing not knowing where my head will be resting. I love my private space, but I'm not freaking out about not having it. As I wrote this the thought of going to NY came back to me.

It might work out that I go to NY after the baby comes and then get back here for my doctors appointment at the end of June. That will give her a month with her little one.

Maybe.  I'm counting on it all unfolding in a way that works for us all.

In the meantime... I'M GOING TO BE A GRAND MA MA!!!!  Soooo very exciting.